The pressure to lose weight for your wedding
how the wedding industry affects women's bodies- and what you can do about it
trigger warning: this post mentions weight loss and dieting - if that doesn’t spark joy for you, please don’t read this post.
This year, along with quite a few big changes, I embarked on a large, multi-year, very expensive project: getting married.
I got engaged over a year ago, and the wedding is sometime in 2024. I’m sure I’ll share more as it gets closer, but at this time, all you need to know is that it is a large family wedding.
This year, as I was training for a half marathon, my body changed. I lost around 10-15 pounds, enough for others to notice. My diet hadn’t changed, just my level of movement increased as I ran 20-35 miles a week. A disclaimer - I am a very healthy weight and there is no significant health need or risk for me to lose or gain weight at this time. It just happened!
So put those two things together - losing weight and getting married. And the comments started rolling in.
“Getting ready for the big day?”
“I remember I was so nervous to get married, I could barley eat! I was 100 pounds soaking wet.”
“I was so much more petite than you when I got married, but I’m sure you could get there before the wedding day.”
Then I stopped training for a half marathon and didn’t end up racing and my weight increased. And now, I’m lying awake at 3 am trying to create a diet plan to finally lose that stubborn 15 pounds before the big day.
But why? I set out to investigate.
In a recent poll of over 1,000 wedding website users, over 84% felt pressure to lose weight for their wedding day. 51% don’t think their body image is represented in wedding content enough.
There are books like Skinny Sexy Bride and The Bride Diet. “Did you know that over 70% of women are TOO LARGE to fit into the dresses they chose on the day of their wedding?” reads the back cover of The Bride Diet. “Can you imagine how humiliated and desperate those thousands of women must feel as they frantically pace and pray that the last second alterations can be done in time?” (Cue massive eye roll)
Ads with content like this show up everywhere on my feed ^^
In America, the size and space of my body are a sign of my worth as a white cis woman of privilege. I do not agree with this, but it is inherent in our biases. Women who are “prettier” are paid more, promoted more, and generally seen as more competent in the workplace. Women considered obese earn $5.25 less per hour than women considered a normal weight, according to a 2014 Vanderbilt University study.
So what happens when you combine a billion dollar Diet Culture industry ($70 billion in profit in 2022), a billion dollar Wedding industry ($59 billion of profit in 2022) and societal expectations around weight and women’s value?
Women/Brides become the target of diet plans, books, coaching sessions, weight loss programs, ads promoting diet products. In some ways, this is comforting. It’s not about your body, it’s just about making money!
There is also another angle here. We are targeted, in my mind, because they know that they can use the insecurities of our family members against us. Weddings are a shared event, with many family members commenting/contributing to the big day. They bring with them their own expectations of a wedding, including how they/the bride will look. Then, they push these ideals onto you, and make you lie awake at night thinking about how your thighs touch and how if you just cut out all carbs then you’ll finally have your dream body.
What can you do about it?
Unfollow Bridal accounts/social media platforms. The less airbrushed, filtered, and edited photos you see of other women leading up to your wedding day, the more that you will feel comfortable about how your natural body looks. By the way, you look beautiful, right now, reading this.
Take pictures of yourself from different angles leading up to your wedding day. Learn how to feel comfortable with your appearance and how you may appear in photos.
This may be controversial - but try to ask family members not to comment on your weight. Click here to read some responses to body shaming.
Get really angry at diet culture for being something that wakes me up at 4 am. Listen to anti-diet culture rhetoric and podcasts.
It’s all a scam - and recognizing it is the first step to acceptance. I may end up losing weight for my wedding, but it will not be intentional, nor a direct choice. Planning my wedding is a special time, and one that I’ll never get back. I encourage you to take a step back, ask “why” and consider how your expectations of your body are shaped by norms that may no longer serve you.